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[swordfucker]

Guren Ichinose | Red | #A5211F

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[passio]

[ dextera doesn’t know where to put his hands, since trying to assist guren in any way will absolutely put pressure on a gash or a bruise, and he feels a little useless—once he learns how to change those bandages, though, guren won’t be able to escape from his helping hands ever again. ]

…

[ he brushes his fingers against guren’s hand just long enough that he can feel the contact, and he lets himself into the bathroom since he can walk faster anyway.

he wants to kiss guren for a thousand reasons. because they’re awake. because guren is hurt. because he can. all of them feel like good reasons to bask in their affection, but then, there are a lot of things going on that are more important than kissing. ]

Mahiru?

[ signed with one hand, while the other is already going for clean bandages—everything is easy to get to, even if dextera didn’t know where they were before. ]

[swordfucker]

...The bogeyman screwed with her abilities, and it seems like it has lasting effects. It's getting better.

[Gradually, slowly. It's why, as he undoes his bandages now and reveals the mess beneath them, there's no longer a hole straight through his chest. But it's certainly not healed skin Dextera will be looking at, either. Sorry for the gore.]

When I was possessed at the end, my heart was able to stay beating, but that's about it. I went straight to Josuke after, and he was able to heal my heart, but Mahiru-no-yo's attempts that are being blocked are somehow making it difficult to receive help from others, too.

[passio]

…

[ to dextera’s credit, he doesn’t flinch when guren reveals his wound. if he’s a little paler at the sight, he hopes guren doesn’t say anything, but he manages not to show how much it bothers him, either.

guren was possessed? he should have expected that, but he’s so glad—deeply glad—that things are better now. if dextera came back to a broken guren, one he needed to kill, he would rather have just stayed dead.

he touches whatever part of guren’s chest seems unhurt, his fingers light against his skin, and stares quietly. ]

[swordfucker]

...Being hurt like this reminds me of school.

[He says it out of nowhere as he grabs a washcloth and dips it in a bucket of water that seems to be waiting just for this. He just needs to make sure they're clean enough, and he's limited on supplies, so.]

I hid my strength from the Hiiragis for as long as I could, but Shinya was always up my ass about me being stronger than I seemed. I was stubborn. He aimed a punch at me when we'd barely met, one that would kill me if I didn't dodge. I dodged just enough to survive it and passed out.

[Hope Dextera loves all these fun time stories Guren never gives anyone else.] It hurt like hell. He punctured an artery, that asshole.

[Says the asshole who could have dodged and didn't.]

[passio]

[ dextera listens, even if he doesn’t at all like this storytime!

guren’s past is fraught with terrible memories, and even the good ones, it seems, are tainted by the knowledge that he killed his friends. dextera isn’t grateful for his amnesia, but it does make some things easier. in a way.

he places his hand over guren’s, just enough to half-guide the washcloth over the wounds. he doesn’t know how to bandage someone, no, but he understands that things need to be cleaned. he’s not sure his purification would work here, even if it feasibly should.

it’s too much of a risk, anyway. ]

…

[ he glances up at guren’s face. ]

I’m glad you’re here.

[swordfucker]

[That memory, though he didn't mention it, also brought the first time Mahiru had spoken to him since they'd been separated. He remembers being such a jerk, congratulating her on her engagement to Shinya, causing her to storm off and leave him behind to deal with recovery alone. All because he thought pushing her away might be easier on her.

He'd been wrong all along. He's just thinking... that he has to be careful not to make the same mistakes now.

His eyes meet Dextera's after he registers those words, and holding the washcloth in place, he leans forward, stealing his own kiss for the morning. It lingers more than it should.]

That's my line. [And then pulling back just enough, he continues, with ease.] There's a spot on my back, too. Can you get it?

[Just... where he was stabbed through, but honestly, that end of it is better healed than anything else.]

[passio]

[ dextera would much rather stand here and be kissed than try to take care of guren’s wound, but the blood and the gore is a lot more pressing than dextera’s desire. once this is finished, they can go back to bed—and dextera can figure out how he wants to face everyone else, after disappearing like that.

the days spent with ryo feel hazy. he wasn’t himself at all.

he circles around to guren’s back, taking the washcloth with him. immediately, of course, he realizes that guren was skewered by the bogeyman, and that’s a sickening thought he didn’t want or need. ]

…

[ he holds the cloth against the wound, and then simply… leans forward, resting his forehead against the plane of guren’s back and shoulder. ]

[swordfucker]

Hey.

[Guren's voice is soft but firm, an attempt at reassurance even if he knows it's hard to see him injured.]

I told you I can take things like this, didn't I? I'm still breathing. [He kind of hates it, but it's also just... what he is, now. Working powers or not. He's always been one able to take things like ruptured arteries or stabs that should kill.]

Don't think about it too much.

[passio]

[ the archangel always did tell him he thinks too much. his thoughts spin out of control of someone doesn’t guide him to settle down, and so he takes a deep breath, nodding against guren’s back.

guren is alive. he’s not well, but he’s alive, and people have been taking care of him. how ironic, that dextera is the one who died and he’s attending to the survivor. ]

…

[ he does wipe away the blood eventually, but he doesn’t come out to face guren just yet.

instead, he slides his hand down guren’s arm, until he’s able to reach his palm and try to write something there. like before, when they first met. ]

Accident.

[ he didn’t mean to die. ]

[swordfucker]

...I know, Dex.

[Ugh. He doesn't want him to feel guilty, but he wants him to feel loved, and missed. How does he get this across properly? He doesn't know what he's doing with things like this. He's horrible at it.]

I told you to run, and you listened. You didn't do anything wrong.

[passio]

[ dextera ran, but maybe he should have stayed. maybe if he’d fought, he could have prevented himself from dying. he could have kept ryo and guren safe. ]

…

[ he exhales, a little harshly this time, like he’s trying to push out the guilt before it can smother him. he’s a coward, he always wants to run, of course it was easy for him to try it… death was an appropriate punishment for not fighting harder.

he can’t stop it, though. he trembles against guren’s back, suddenly squeezing his hand tightly. for as much as he says he’s okay with death, the circumstances this time were different. ]

[swordfucker]

Dextera...

[ He can’t hug him with his wounds like this, but he can turn slightly, not wanting to knock him off balance, but not wanting him to stay hiding, either. He grips that hand back. ]

Don’t beat yourself up over it. You did great. You helped us kill it, and you were a huge piece of that. You helped protect everyone.

It wasn’t an easy fight.

[passio]

…

[ praise is still new to him, but he responds well to it all the same. whether it’s from guren or ryo or someone else entirely, it calms him to hear someone tell him he did something right.

if he’d had the angelic rifle, maybe… but he shouldn’t think like that. he inhales, calmer this time, and slowly forces himself to breathe it out.

he wipes over guren’s wound, just to try to signal to himself that he should leave the conversation alone, and then steps back into view. his face is red, near-tears, but he’s trying to be composed. ]

[swordfucker]

[ Poor Dextera. Guren wishes he could just fix that sadness and guilt. He’s the one who should be guilty, he thinks, but actually... reassuring Dextera is an eye opening thing for him, too. They couldn’t help how things ended. It would have been the same. There would have been casualties. Each solution that was offered to him was wrong in other ways.

Words don’t always help, but maybe having Dextera help more and getting back to bed will. He squeezes his hand again. ]

I mean it. [ But he’ll leave it at that, for now. ] Now, I just need to wrap those new bandages around my wounds. You want to help? Not too tight to cut off all the air, but not so loose that it drapes.

[passio]

[ dextera looks at his own arms, where plenty of bandages cover nothing in particular, not anymore—they’re not especially well applied, but he thinks that he can do it better on guren.

he nods, retrieving one of the rolls of bandages. something—something to fill the space. he should tell guren what these bandages once covered.

he wraps the biggest wound, across guren’s chest, his brow furrowed in thought as he does so. when he steps back to retrieve another roll, he pauses. ]

My arms. [ how inconvenient, that he needs his hands to speak and to wrap. ] The Archangel.

[swordfucker]

What about him?

[ at least Guren is easy in that he doesn’t wince or fidget. He’s patient and still and pays attention when Dextera stops to tell him things, head tilting slightly as he looks at those bandages. Right... ]

Did he do something to make you need those bandages, or just help you with yours? [ God he hopes it’s not the first, and yet, he’s prepared to be angry ]

[passio]

[ dextera doesn’t pause for too long, trying to help the smaller wounds with gauze and a tighter wrap, but when guren asks, he feels the need to answer. ]

He put something inside me. [ it’s too much, to explain consciousness orbs. ] Hid them—to watch, all his followers.

[ but he didn’t want dextera to know about them in particular, so his injured body was an excuse. ]

[swordfucker]

[What the fuck.]

...You probably already know what I've got to say about that, so I won't bother.

[He doesn't like it, he doesn't like any of it, and he doesn't like that Dextera is okay with it, either. But what can he do? He can't tell him what to think, or how to react. He can only voice his own opinions.]

[passio]

I know. You don’t like him.

[ dextera doesn’t know if he “likes” the archangel either, but these things can’t be helped. he’s beholden to him, even here. ]

The bandages hide those scars.

[ guren doesn’t have to think about them if he doesn’t want to, but dextera felt it an appropriate time to share.

he touches guren’s bandages, when he thinks he’s gotten them secured. ]

OK?

[swordfucker]

[Guren is quiet, at first, and then reaches to take Dextera's arm once he touches those bandages. He touches his bandages, where those scars must be hidden. He never thought of that. He never thought there might be scars.

He's an idiot.]

I don't like him because he treats you like a belonging.

[Just so that's clear. He ducks his head, resting it against his arm, not letting go.]

They feel good. You did a good job.

[passio]

[ i am is the first thought that occurs to dextera in response to guren’s dissatisfaction, but he wisely keeps it inside—he doesn’t like that that’s his impulse, even now. death has brought it out of him, even if he’s standing here with guren, with someone who likes him enough to defend him.

he’ll never be able to explain the archangel unless he comes here—that impossible charisma and confidence, the way he carries himself as if he really is a martyr made for the good of the world. ]

…

[ dextera’s silence speaks volumes, probably, and he forces himself to catch his breath before he shifts to push his fingers through guren’s hair.

they should go back to bed. ]

[swordfucker]

[Guren hates that. He doesn't give a damn what the Archangel is like, it doesn't matter. What matters is that Dextera actually thinks of himself this way. It's horrible, and Guren wants to rescue him from it.

But the truth is, this isn't something you can just wish or convince away. It's built into him, like those scars, and Guren can only cover it like a bandage and hope it's enough.

He lets out a quiet sigh.]

That's why you went to Asuka and not me, huh. [But he doesn't want the answer, even if he says it like that. He lets go of that arm, and stands, letting Dextera's hand slip out of his hair in the process, as well.]

Do you still want cola?

[passio]

Ah—

[ the sound comes out before he can stop it, because guren has ruthlessly pinpointed much of dextera’s difficulty with ryo, and he changed the topic too quickly for dextera to respond. he doesn’t even know what he would say, though. part of his desperate mooning over ryo is missing the guidance of the archangel, and he knows it.

he shifts, protectively covering his wrist as if he can hide the place the consciousness orb used to be buried, and nods. ]

I’ll get it.

[swordfucker]

It's in the basement, and if you want, you can get some fruit from the kitchen.

[He won't even try to argue that he can go down, too. He'll just move, carefully, slowly, to his bed, and lie back down.

It bothers him that Dextera went to Ryo first for more than just jealousy. Of course he feels less important, but didn't he get a kiss? So what's there to worry about? It's that bad habit of Dextera's, of course. The way he's always looking to be scolded, even if he also likes to be praised. Guren isn't really sure want to do about it.

So he'll just turn carefully and lie on his side, face to the wall, until Dextera comes back.]

[passio]

[ dextera takes a little while to retrieve the cola and the fruit, lost in his own thoughts—about guren, about ryo, about the archangel above both of them. he doesn’t know what to do. stupidly, he wishes the archangel were here to just tell him, even if his advice has so often made dextera hurt worse than before.

he’s manipulating dextera. of course dextera knows that—it feels like something he’s always known. but he’s manipulated him by being honest when everyone else has their own agenda, and it’s never occurred to him that the archangel could be lying about the most basic story he’s told.

dextera’s world is built around his guilt, and if he didn’t cause the apocalypse, what does he know about himself? ]

…

[ finally, finally, he returns to guren’s room, with two glasses of cola held in one hand and a bowl of fruit in the other. it’s probably not a big surprise that he’s got tears dripping down his cheeks, when he pushes himself back into the bedroom. ]