IC Inbox

[swordfucker]

Guren Ichinose | Red | #A5211F

Text | Action

Comments

[passio]

[ i am is the first thought that occurs to dextera in response to guren’s dissatisfaction, but he wisely keeps it inside—he doesn’t like that that’s his impulse, even now. death has brought it out of him, even if he’s standing here with guren, with someone who likes him enough to defend him.

he’ll never be able to explain the archangel unless he comes here—that impossible charisma and confidence, the way he carries himself as if he really is a martyr made for the good of the world. ]

…

[ dextera’s silence speaks volumes, probably, and he forces himself to catch his breath before he shifts to push his fingers through guren’s hair.

they should go back to bed. ]

[swordfucker]

[Guren hates that. He doesn't give a damn what the Archangel is like, it doesn't matter. What matters is that Dextera actually thinks of himself this way. It's horrible, and Guren wants to rescue him from it.

But the truth is, this isn't something you can just wish or convince away. It's built into him, like those scars, and Guren can only cover it like a bandage and hope it's enough.

He lets out a quiet sigh.]

That's why you went to Asuka and not me, huh. [But he doesn't want the answer, even if he says it like that. He lets go of that arm, and stands, letting Dextera's hand slip out of his hair in the process, as well.]

Do you still want cola?

[passio]

Ah—

[ the sound comes out before he can stop it, because guren has ruthlessly pinpointed much of dextera’s difficulty with ryo, and he changed the topic too quickly for dextera to respond. he doesn’t even know what he would say, though. part of his desperate mooning over ryo is missing the guidance of the archangel, and he knows it.

he shifts, protectively covering his wrist as if he can hide the place the consciousness orb used to be buried, and nods. ]

I’ll get it.

[swordfucker]

It's in the basement, and if you want, you can get some fruit from the kitchen.

[He won't even try to argue that he can go down, too. He'll just move, carefully, slowly, to his bed, and lie back down.

It bothers him that Dextera went to Ryo first for more than just jealousy. Of course he feels less important, but didn't he get a kiss? So what's there to worry about? It's that bad habit of Dextera's, of course. The way he's always looking to be scolded, even if he also likes to be praised. Guren isn't really sure want to do about it.

So he'll just turn carefully and lie on his side, face to the wall, until Dextera comes back.]

[passio]

[ dextera takes a little while to retrieve the cola and the fruit, lost in his own thoughts—about guren, about ryo, about the archangel above both of them. he doesn’t know what to do. stupidly, he wishes the archangel were here to just tell him, even if his advice has so often made dextera hurt worse than before.

he’s manipulating dextera. of course dextera knows that—it feels like something he’s always known. but he’s manipulated him by being honest when everyone else has their own agenda, and it’s never occurred to him that the archangel could be lying about the most basic story he’s told.

dextera’s world is built around his guilt, and if he didn’t cause the apocalypse, what does he know about himself? ]

…

[ finally, finally, he returns to guren’s room, with two glasses of cola held in one hand and a bowl of fruit in the other. it’s probably not a big surprise that he’s got tears dripping down his cheeks, when he pushes himself back into the bedroom. ]

[swordfucker]

[Guren glances over his shoulder when he re-enters, and seeing those tears is enough to get him to sit up. It hurts, from this angle, but he doesn't show it on his face, gesturing for Dextera to set the things on the small nightstand nearby and join him in a seat on the bed.]

Hey, come here. [The tears... again!!] You're not crying over something I said, are you? I'm shitty with words. I don't know how else to tell you that, but... you probably shouldn't listen to me all the time.

[passio]

[ dextera doesn’t fight it at all, and it’s like he was already planning on this when he sets their breakfast on the bedside table and crawls into bed. he’s not trying to cry or be needy or even show his pain at all, but he can’t help it.

he sighs, shaking his head as he rests against guren’s side—quickly, hurried, like he knows he’ll be eased as soon as he feels guren’s warmth. ]

Not you.

[ his own thoughts, as usual. ]

[swordfucker]

[Guren pulls him into a hold, arms wrapped around him, breathing steady.]

...I know I'm not the best at talking to you, with everything you've got going on in your world. But I can at least listen, if that does anything.

[He doesn't know that it does.]

[passio]

[ dextera doesn’t know how to describe everything that guren means to him. maybe he underestimates the influence he has over dextera’s heart—but that doesn’t change a thing. ]

I want—

[ he takes a second, trying to match his breath to guren’s. ]

To be here. With you.

[swordfucker]

...I don't know why.

[Maybe sharing that Dextera isn't the only one beating himself up will help? No? Well, it's fine anyway, because Guren pulls back just enough to look at him, hand trailing down his arm.]

But that's right where you are. I thought I was just lucky.

[passio]

…

[ it’s oddly, unexpectedly—romantic? something?

dextera isn’t sure, but it does quite effectively stop his tears, because he stops breathing entirely for a moment when guren touches his arm so softly. his face is still wet, his eyes still glistening, but nothing new seems to be forming.

his face does turn red though, as he glances away. ]

[swordfucker]

You can stay here with me.

[Guren insists when Dextera looks away, sliding his hand further down to take his hand, instead of just his arm. All those times he tried to convince Mahiru that he could help her, that she should stop that self-destructive path and just be with him, and she wouldn't listen at all.

But this... this is more within his reach. He's desperate, but it's not for nothing. He thinks his words will reach Dextera, at least in a way.]

You're here with me right now. Don't worry about anything else. Whatever happens here, no matter what happens when we have to go back... just worry about us. I'll stay with you. I'll figure something out for later.

[passio]

[ guren will keep him safe, and dextera trusts that more than anything in the world—even though guren’s shadow, the bogeyman’s chosen form, was the one that so thoroughly killed him. it was terrifying because of the utter trust he has in guren. ]

I’m sorry, about Ryo.

[ he squeezes guren’s hand, even if this has already been tread in a way. he went to ryo. guren didn’t like it. it’s done. he wants it to be done, in any case, and that’s why he’s here now.

he rests his face against guren’s shoulder, his lips touching skin, softly. ]

[swordfucker]

You don't have to apologize for something like that.

[Guren is quick to correct that, raising his free hand to rub at the back of his neck.] I was just... you can go to whoever you want. I just want you to know that you're important. You matter, and I'm not the only one who thinks so.

There are tons of people who'd like to hear you're back. You don't have to do that until you're ready.

[passio]

[ even if guren says that, dextera won’t believe he matters to anyone until he sees them react to his return—and that’s difficult to accept, in its own way.

he shifts, lifting guren’s hand to his mouth to actually kiss his fingers this time, finding it all so strangely comfortable. maybe this was the natural next step of their closeness, with or without a kiss. ]

…not ready.

[ he mouths it against guren’s fingers, eyes lowered. he wants to stay in bed with guren for a little longer. ]

[swordfucker]

...Then let's focus on something else, instead.

[It can be done and out of the way. He's here for him, he made it clear. He can stay here, they can stay together and be happy. That's all that matters, right? So, he touches Dextera's bottom lip with his fingers, and then leans closer, not even bothering to move his hand out of the way unless Dextera does, but kissing his lips all the same.

It might have been suggestive if he didn't move immediately after for a glass of cola.]

Let's have our breakfast. [This is the worst breakfast. Guren digs it.]

[passio]

[ it is absolutely the worst breakfast, and all this sugar will almost certainly make dextera sick, but he wants it and he thinks he deserves it after dying.

of course, such a thought is not like anything that’s ever occurred to him, is it? that he deserves something, just because.

guren helps dextera feel like he can quickly move on, before he sinks into a depression all over again, and he grabs the bowl of fruit to rest between them. he’ll get his cola in a second, but he’s running his thumb over one of the strawberries, thoughtfully. when he lifts his hand to wipe his cheeks clear of his tears, he signs something almost coy. ]

Feed you?

[ guren is… unwell… after all. ]

[swordfucker]

...

[That's embarrassing, and that's dangerous, and it gets Guren to pause with the cup to his lips, considering it with a stare before he lowers the glass. He's still staring straight at Dextera, and he manages not to look as embarrassed as he feels. Instead, he's putting on casual confidence!!]

Sure, do it.

[See what happens]

[passio]

[ wait, he didn’t expect guren to be so confident about it. it’s not that dextera was trying to bait him into embarrassment or anything, but guren’s steady stare is itself embarrassing, and dextera is caught off guard by the steadiness of it. ]

…nevermind. Don’t want to.

[ how fickle! ]

[swordfucker]

What?

[Guren laughs that question out, not sure if he's more amused or mildly offended. He sets his cola aside again, leaning closer and flicking lightly at Dextera's leg.]

Come on, you got me thinking about it. Or should I feed you, instead?

[passio]

[ dextera flushes, leaning away from guren—not with any malice, just embarrassment, and he plucks one of the berries from the bowl and quickly stuffs it into guren’s mouth.

there’s no décor to it, but listen. he’s not a master of romance. ]

[swordfucker]

[Guren laughs, and it hurts a little, but it's such a dull ache. He likes it. It means he's moving, Dextera is making him laugh, he's alive. He eats that berry and leans closer like a menace, grabbing one of Dextera's wrists.]

You did that like you're trying to get away from me. I'm getting mixed messages.

[passio]

[ dextera wants to laugh, and one does bubble up out of him—he doesn’t fight guren’s hand on his wrist, because it just feels so much nicer than that conversation in the bathroom. they’re playing, here, and that’s more welcome than anything.

his other hand reaches for another berry, pressing it to guren’s lips again. ]

[swordfucker]

[ Playing is way more fun. Even Guren, who is way too serious all the time, can stop to play around like this. He smiles against that berry, and subtly takes some of Dextera’s fingertips unnecessarily into his mouth as he takes the berry slowly with his lips. Not nearly as blatant as someone like Shinya would have been, but still very much There. ]

See? Easy.

[passio]

[ dextera has already forgotten he was crying, even if the reason for it hasn’t disappeared from his heart. he’s just like that—emotional, volatile, but good at glossing over it if he thinks it’s uncomfortable. ]

Ah—!

[ his fingers—why is guren like this? ]

…finished.