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[swordfucker]

Guren Ichinose | Red | #A5211F

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[passio]

[ dextera doesn’t know how to describe everything that guren means to him. maybe he underestimates the influence he has over dextera’s heart—but that doesn’t change a thing. ]

I want—

[ he takes a second, trying to match his breath to guren’s. ]

To be here. With you.

[swordfucker]

...I don't know why.

[Maybe sharing that Dextera isn't the only one beating himself up will help? No? Well, it's fine anyway, because Guren pulls back just enough to look at him, hand trailing down his arm.]

But that's right where you are. I thought I was just lucky.

[passio]

…

[ it’s oddly, unexpectedly—romantic? something?

dextera isn’t sure, but it does quite effectively stop his tears, because he stops breathing entirely for a moment when guren touches his arm so softly. his face is still wet, his eyes still glistening, but nothing new seems to be forming.

his face does turn red though, as he glances away. ]

[swordfucker]

You can stay here with me.

[Guren insists when Dextera looks away, sliding his hand further down to take his hand, instead of just his arm. All those times he tried to convince Mahiru that he could help her, that she should stop that self-destructive path and just be with him, and she wouldn't listen at all.

But this... this is more within his reach. He's desperate, but it's not for nothing. He thinks his words will reach Dextera, at least in a way.]

You're here with me right now. Don't worry about anything else. Whatever happens here, no matter what happens when we have to go back... just worry about us. I'll stay with you. I'll figure something out for later.

[passio]

[ guren will keep him safe, and dextera trusts that more than anything in the world—even though guren’s shadow, the bogeyman’s chosen form, was the one that so thoroughly killed him. it was terrifying because of the utter trust he has in guren. ]

I’m sorry, about Ryo.

[ he squeezes guren’s hand, even if this has already been tread in a way. he went to ryo. guren didn’t like it. it’s done. he wants it to be done, in any case, and that’s why he’s here now.

he rests his face against guren’s shoulder, his lips touching skin, softly. ]

[swordfucker]

You don't have to apologize for something like that.

[Guren is quick to correct that, raising his free hand to rub at the back of his neck.] I was just... you can go to whoever you want. I just want you to know that you're important. You matter, and I'm not the only one who thinks so.

There are tons of people who'd like to hear you're back. You don't have to do that until you're ready.

[passio]

[ even if guren says that, dextera won’t believe he matters to anyone until he sees them react to his return—and that’s difficult to accept, in its own way.

he shifts, lifting guren’s hand to his mouth to actually kiss his fingers this time, finding it all so strangely comfortable. maybe this was the natural next step of their closeness, with or without a kiss. ]

…not ready.

[ he mouths it against guren’s fingers, eyes lowered. he wants to stay in bed with guren for a little longer. ]

[swordfucker]

...Then let's focus on something else, instead.

[It can be done and out of the way. He's here for him, he made it clear. He can stay here, they can stay together and be happy. That's all that matters, right? So, he touches Dextera's bottom lip with his fingers, and then leans closer, not even bothering to move his hand out of the way unless Dextera does, but kissing his lips all the same.

It might have been suggestive if he didn't move immediately after for a glass of cola.]

Let's have our breakfast. [This is the worst breakfast. Guren digs it.]

[passio]

[ it is absolutely the worst breakfast, and all this sugar will almost certainly make dextera sick, but he wants it and he thinks he deserves it after dying.

of course, such a thought is not like anything that’s ever occurred to him, is it? that he deserves something, just because.

guren helps dextera feel like he can quickly move on, before he sinks into a depression all over again, and he grabs the bowl of fruit to rest between them. he’ll get his cola in a second, but he’s running his thumb over one of the strawberries, thoughtfully. when he lifts his hand to wipe his cheeks clear of his tears, he signs something almost coy. ]

Feed you?

[ guren is… unwell… after all. ]

[swordfucker]

...

[That's embarrassing, and that's dangerous, and it gets Guren to pause with the cup to his lips, considering it with a stare before he lowers the glass. He's still staring straight at Dextera, and he manages not to look as embarrassed as he feels. Instead, he's putting on casual confidence!!]

Sure, do it.

[See what happens]

[passio]

[ wait, he didn’t expect guren to be so confident about it. it’s not that dextera was trying to bait him into embarrassment or anything, but guren’s steady stare is itself embarrassing, and dextera is caught off guard by the steadiness of it. ]

…nevermind. Don’t want to.

[ how fickle! ]

[swordfucker]

What?

[Guren laughs that question out, not sure if he's more amused or mildly offended. He sets his cola aside again, leaning closer and flicking lightly at Dextera's leg.]

Come on, you got me thinking about it. Or should I feed you, instead?

[passio]

[ dextera flushes, leaning away from guren—not with any malice, just embarrassment, and he plucks one of the berries from the bowl and quickly stuffs it into guren’s mouth.

there’s no décor to it, but listen. he’s not a master of romance. ]

[swordfucker]

[Guren laughs, and it hurts a little, but it's such a dull ache. He likes it. It means he's moving, Dextera is making him laugh, he's alive. He eats that berry and leans closer like a menace, grabbing one of Dextera's wrists.]

You did that like you're trying to get away from me. I'm getting mixed messages.

[passio]

[ dextera wants to laugh, and one does bubble up out of him—he doesn’t fight guren’s hand on his wrist, because it just feels so much nicer than that conversation in the bathroom. they’re playing, here, and that’s more welcome than anything.

his other hand reaches for another berry, pressing it to guren’s lips again. ]

[swordfucker]

[ Playing is way more fun. Even Guren, who is way too serious all the time, can stop to play around like this. He smiles against that berry, and subtly takes some of Dextera’s fingertips unnecessarily into his mouth as he takes the berry slowly with his lips. Not nearly as blatant as someone like Shinya would have been, but still very much There. ]

See? Easy.

[passio]

[ dextera has already forgotten he was crying, even if the reason for it hasn’t disappeared from his heart. he’s just like that—emotional, volatile, but good at glossing over it if he thinks it’s uncomfortable. ]

Ah—!

[ his fingers—why is guren like this? ]

…finished.

[swordfucker]

[ Guren laughs again, leaning to pick up a strawberry. Dextera is so shy... unbelievable. Normally Guren is the only shy one, grumpy and short about it. He can be a little merciful, but it’s still fun.

Still, he offers the strawberry to Dextera’s mouth with a fairly innocent smile. It’s just innocent food sharing! He’ll behave. ]

[passio]

…

[ dextera trusts him with this, if only because guren has fed him strawberries before. even without this new context between them, it’s not like dextera should be more wary of their closeness. he holds guren’s hand still, leaning on contact as he always does for comfort, and takes the strawberry between his teeth like a horse.

hot! ]

These are [ he gestures to the strawberry in his mouth, just before he bites into it, leaf and all because he’s a monster ] my favorite.

[swordfucker]

[Guren pulls back his hand like he was trying to snag the leaves away and it's too late and he's mildly disgusted.]

I told you not to eat the leaves. [GOD...]

...But they're pretty good. I think strawberry is probably my favorite fruit, too.

[passio]

[ the leaves are his now. dextera is a relentless animal who will eat anything that’s put in his mouth. they’re a little bitter, but he doesn’t think he’s going to die from it. ]

Leaves are healthy.

[ generally speaking? probably? ]

[swordfucker]

I can't even deny that, but it's still weird.

[Apparently they're good for digestion. But also, who the fuck eats strawberry leaves... Guren gives him a Look for a bit longer, but that fades away in his fondness, and he leans closer again, kissing experimentally, chaste, at the corner of his mouth.]

...When are you going to leave?

[It's rare that he sounds so pathetic like this, but his desire to know outweighs the worry of sounding desperate for Dextera to stay while he can't move much to follow after him if he leaves.]

[passio]

[ the words themselves would sound like guren wants him to leave, if his tone weren’t so heavy with the hope that dextera will stay. it’s strange, to be wanted like this.

he finds guren’s hand, tangling their fingers together. since he’s started using sign language, it’s harder to find a reason to simply hold hands, when it feels like he’s silencing himself. with guren, though—he’s been able to communicate, long before that.

he writes on guren’s palm, with his other hand. ]

When you say.

[ he’ll stay as long as guren wants him to, even if he wanders out to introduce himself to the others again. he can come back. ]

[swordfucker]

What if I never say?

[ He doesn’t want to, especially after thinking he’d lost Dextera like that. Embarrassment doesn’t matter so much, anymore. Not here, not now. He should have done something first himself, and instead...

He squeezes their linked hands. ]

[passio]

…

[ dextera’s expression softens with some kind of amusement, but it’s far overshadowed by the tenderness he feels for guren’s words. how could anyone want him to stay that long?

in reality, dextera will go back to his house, because he’s made a home of it. but they live here, in the same town, and they see each other so regularly that it’s fine to entertain the idea of simply settling in and never leaving this bed, let alone guren’s home. ]

Never leave.