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[swordfucker]

Guren Ichinose | Red | #A5211F

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[passio]

…

[ dextera finds one of the pieces that got rolled off the board when guren moved, playing with it between his fingers. he sets it back down in place, and then answers without looking guren in the eye. ]

Not shy.

[ a little shy, maybe, but that’s not the problem here. what was the phrase…

he spells it out, since there’s no way he would know the sign for it. ]

”Hot and bothered.”

1/2

[swordfucker]

[Oh my god. Where did Dextera learn that phrase. In his weird cult? Here?? What asshole told him that's what you say when you're horny, he's going to die over here of embarrassment.

Guren ends up rubbing the back of his neck and trying to sit taller to appear confident even when he's... embarrassed.]

[swordfucker]

[He knows it's fast. But it's hard to feel fast when they've been slowly growing this bond between them for months now, dying and almost dying all over.]

So you... don't want to do anything about it?

[Smooth, he is a winner at words]

[passio]

[ dextera wants to do everything about it, which is something he has just a little too much shame to admit to. he can say that he’s hot to trot, but actually moving to act on it, after everyone telling him to fuck off and don’t even breathe in their direction, he’s all right holding off. ]

…

[ he takes a long, slow breath, and gestures to the board. that’s what he wants to do about it. ]

[swordfucker]

You're just a tease.

[That's what he's determined from this!! He's going to die this way. Ugh, but it's fine, he's already moving to help set up the pieces. He'll focus on the tension from this chess game that will definitely make him more horny on main.]

Fine, I'll beat you again, since you're so into it. This game feels pretty ingrained in our routine, somehow, so I guess it's only fair. Were you the one who asked to play first?

[Good thing the odd comments are back to kill any excitement]

[passio]

[ that is definitely an odd comment! dextera pauses in setting up the pieces, looking up now to obviously peer at guren curiously—it’s not like before, when he wanted something, when he was practically begging guren to kiss him.

doesn’t he remember? ]

…what do you mean?

[ he might as well ask. ]

[swordfucker]

I just mean, it feels like it's been so long, I can't remember when we...

[He trails off as he thinks. At first, he hadn't been paying much attention to the thought. It felt like he learned it a while ago, chess, but it was a vague "when" in his mind, and then of course there were all the times he and Dextera played, but...

It doesn't make sense. The second time they played, the one he's thinking of as the "first"... it was a continuation, wasn't it? Now he's frowning, bringing a hand to his head as he tries to think past it, into the hazy fog before that.

Hazy fog. His heart dips into his stomach at that, and he's realizing quickly that there's a piece missing. Just like Ryo had explained had happened to him in the forest. Just like others have had happen here, too.]

Something's missing. [He sounds incredibly bothered.]

[passio]

…?

[ dextera’s stomach twists, because he doesn’t know what that means—and yet, he does, with an immediate and terrible clarity. he doesn’t know why, no, but he knows that guren has been forced to forget something. a memory was taken from him? why? why this one, when chess is such a precious part of their relationship? ]

You don’t remember?

[ he moves the board out of the way, to come closer to guren. he places his hand on guren’s thigh, just for the contact. ]

Our first lesson?

[swordfucker]

Lesson? I...

[That does make sense, doesn't it. That it was a lesson. He tries to move past that haze, to think, to remember. He even considers asking Mahiru, but that would have to be later, when he could fall asleep out of the blue and discuss it. He can't get past this on his own. He can't find it at all.]

Damn it...!

[This is not only frustrating, but he knows it's important. He can feel that it is, even without Dextera reacting like he is. The reactions make it worse. He's worrying him, he's making him feel worse, all because he can't remember this one thing.]

I can't remember a thing about it.

[passio]

[ it’s something that the town did to them, and it hurts. why? what bearing did that memory have on anything except to upset them both? ]

Ah…

[ he clenches his fists, trying to hold back his upset. maybe if he just reminds guren, he’ll remember—it’s not that this changes anything about their relationship, considering how far they’ve come since then, but for someone whose memories are already so limited, it’s painful to imagine anything disappearing like this. ]

I taught you. [ he closes his eyes, exhaling. ] Why?

[swordfucker]

That’s where I learned it.

[ It sounds like it should make sense and have it all click into place, but he can’t remember a thing. He struggles for a few more quiet seconds before he frowns, defeated, hands curling to fists in his lap. ]

It’s all a hazy fog when I try to remember it. It doesn’t even come through a little. This has to be taken from me, somehow. Like Asuka, in the forest. I wasn’t acting strange that day, right?

[passio]

[ dextera shakes his head. they were still getting to know each other back then, but guren wasn’t “strange” at all. why now?

were there greater repercussions to dying than he initially suspected? will this, too, fade in time? ryo said his memories returned eventually, so this has to as well. ]

…because I died?

[swordfucker]

...Maybe. But you still remember it.

[ It’s hard to say, until Dextera finds someone else who forgot something about him. Guren reaches to cover Dextera’s hand with his own. ]

I’m sorry. I’ll see if Mahiru-no-yo can find it, but otherwise... we still have everything else. Whatever asshole is responsible for this place, we’ll find him eventually, and I’ll beat it out of him how to get that back.

[passio]

[ it still hurts. dextera wishes he didn’t remember it, because that’s easier in some ways—the archangel has always attacked his hazy memories, and he’s always hated himself for not being able to remember, but this is much worse.

dextera squeezes guren’s hand. if guren forgot something… did others? will the sketchiness last longer if he dies again? with enough deaths, would he simply disappear altogether, from space and memory both? ]

…

[ he exhales, letting his eyes fall closed, and lifting guren’s hand to his face just to feel the heat of it. they weren’t like this, that first time they played together. they weren’t this close at all. ]

[swordfucker]

[Guren can only watch quietly, letting Dextera take his hand however he'd like. His words won't reassure him in a situation like this. He's already tried, and the truth of the matter is that he doesn't remember at all, and he can't. It's like it's gone... and Mahiru-no-yo won't be able to find it if it's like it was deleted.]

It's the only time this has to happen. [It's all he can think to say.] There won't be a next time, but we'll have plenty more memories.

[passio]

[ there won’t be a next time.

already, dextera told himself he wasn’t going to die again—but this, more than anything else, has turned that promise into a resolution. in case it is death that’s triggered the loss of guren’s memory, he can’t die again. he won’t.

with the board moved out of the way, dextera is able to lean forward, onto guren’s bare shoulder, still clutching his hand in one and writing against him with the other. ]

…Don’t forget me.

[swordfucker]

I won't. I promise.

[Another promise he can't keep, but Guren is determined with this. It's overruling every other goal in his mind right now, and he can feel Mahiru scolding him for it. There are more important things to worry about, she's saying. He doesn't care right now.

He squeezes that hand, and brings his free arm to wrap loosely around Dextera.]

[passio]

[ dextera is no longer hot and bothered, the realization that a memory has disappeared as effective as being doused in cold water, but there’s something else pulling at his heart—this proximity, something he can never seem to get enough of. he craves it as much as he needs to breathe or eat or sleep, and guren is the person who always seems to accept it. ]

…

[ he lifts his face, pressing a kiss to guren’s jaw. don’t forget him. don’t forget this. he wouldn’t be able to stand it, if he were forgotten. ]

[swordfucker]

[Guren turns his face into Dextera, an attempt at showing affection, even cuddling, if it can be called that. The mood has dropped considerably, and he wonders if even a heated game of chess can fix it, now that it's the problem.]

We can't let them take this from us.

[This game, this fun, this connection.] I still remember every other game. Your smug attitude every time you win, the way you'd teach me by going back to the spot where I made a wrong move. I haven't forgotten you at all, Dextera. They can't make me forget you.

[passio]

[ it’s more of a relief than it seems. dextera is still upset, he’s obviously upset and it’s not going away so easily when the problem comes to memory, but guren’s forceful reassurance is exactly what he needs.

even so—if guren goes back to his world, will he forget? will dextera forget, if he’s forced to do the same? the problem of their different universes has occurred to him before, but it didn’t feel so pressing as it does now. he’s spiraling, and he tries to hold onto those words. “they can’t make me forget you.”

his breathing is quicker, shallower, panicked. ]

[swordfucker]

Hey.

[Guren moves the arm around him up, hand lacing into his hair and stroking, comforting.] Listen to me. They won't make me forget. It's a promise from me, so don't take it lightly.

You know the lengths I'll go to make things right.

[passio]

[ dextera doesn’t want to doubt guren, and he also knows that guren’s determination far outweighs that of nearly anyone else he’s ever met. when guren wants to do something, he will—but is it enough? this town is unpredictable in the worst ways, and people go home suddenly, for no reason. ]

Hh—

[ a high, reedy sound as dextera exhales his fear. the commands… he does well with commands. so he nods, and since guren is not wearing a shirt for him to cling onto, guren can likely easily feel dextera’s fingers trembling against his skin. ]

Memories—precious.

[swordfucker]

They are precious.

[Guren agrees, quietly, and turns his face more into Dextera, drawing his hand back to take him by the jaw and encourage him to do the same.]

But so are you. They took away that memory, but they didn't take away my feelings. I still feel it when I try to think back. Look where we are now.

[He leans in, kissing him, and it's chaste and so much warmer, softer than the heated kiss from earlier. Open and loving and tender.]

I'm not going anywhere.

[passio]

[ it’s ironic that, for all the times he cries with no catharsis, that he can’t seem to muster tears now when it might actually help him feel better. instead, all he can do is try to catch his breath while kissing guren.

his feelings. their feelings, and it’s amazing how far they’ve come from dextera’s frightened encounter with him in the well. it’s more than “like.” ]

… [ he’s so lucky, to have met someone like guren. ] Tonight—let me stay here. Please.

[ he doesn’t even need to ask and he knows that, but a point needs to be made of it anyway. ]

[swordfucker]

You can always stay here.

[He knows Dextera knows that, but he asked anyway, and so Guren will answer the same as always. Of course he can stay. Of course he can stay whenever. He'd also go to Dextera's whenever asked.

He smooths his thumb over his cheek.]