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[swordfucker]

Guren Ichinose | Red | #A5211F

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[swordfucker]

I just mean, it feels like it's been so long, I can't remember when we...

[He trails off as he thinks. At first, he hadn't been paying much attention to the thought. It felt like he learned it a while ago, chess, but it was a vague "when" in his mind, and then of course there were all the times he and Dextera played, but...

It doesn't make sense. The second time they played, the one he's thinking of as the "first"... it was a continuation, wasn't it? Now he's frowning, bringing a hand to his head as he tries to think past it, into the hazy fog before that.

Hazy fog. His heart dips into his stomach at that, and he's realizing quickly that there's a piece missing. Just like Ryo had explained had happened to him in the forest. Just like others have had happen here, too.]

Something's missing. [He sounds incredibly bothered.]

[passio]

…?

[ dextera’s stomach twists, because he doesn’t know what that means—and yet, he does, with an immediate and terrible clarity. he doesn’t know why, no, but he knows that guren has been forced to forget something. a memory was taken from him? why? why this one, when chess is such a precious part of their relationship? ]

You don’t remember?

[ he moves the board out of the way, to come closer to guren. he places his hand on guren’s thigh, just for the contact. ]

Our first lesson?

[swordfucker]

Lesson? I...

[That does make sense, doesn't it. That it was a lesson. He tries to move past that haze, to think, to remember. He even considers asking Mahiru, but that would have to be later, when he could fall asleep out of the blue and discuss it. He can't get past this on his own. He can't find it at all.]

Damn it...!

[This is not only frustrating, but he knows it's important. He can feel that it is, even without Dextera reacting like he is. The reactions make it worse. He's worrying him, he's making him feel worse, all because he can't remember this one thing.]

I can't remember a thing about it.

[passio]

[ it’s something that the town did to them, and it hurts. why? what bearing did that memory have on anything except to upset them both? ]

Ah…

[ he clenches his fists, trying to hold back his upset. maybe if he just reminds guren, he’ll remember—it’s not that this changes anything about their relationship, considering how far they’ve come since then, but for someone whose memories are already so limited, it’s painful to imagine anything disappearing like this. ]

I taught you. [ he closes his eyes, exhaling. ] Why?

[swordfucker]

That’s where I learned it.

[ It sounds like it should make sense and have it all click into place, but he can’t remember a thing. He struggles for a few more quiet seconds before he frowns, defeated, hands curling to fists in his lap. ]

It’s all a hazy fog when I try to remember it. It doesn’t even come through a little. This has to be taken from me, somehow. Like Asuka, in the forest. I wasn’t acting strange that day, right?

[passio]

[ dextera shakes his head. they were still getting to know each other back then, but guren wasn’t “strange” at all. why now?

were there greater repercussions to dying than he initially suspected? will this, too, fade in time? ryo said his memories returned eventually, so this has to as well. ]

…because I died?

[swordfucker]

...Maybe. But you still remember it.

[ It’s hard to say, until Dextera finds someone else who forgot something about him. Guren reaches to cover Dextera’s hand with his own. ]

I’m sorry. I’ll see if Mahiru-no-yo can find it, but otherwise... we still have everything else. Whatever asshole is responsible for this place, we’ll find him eventually, and I’ll beat it out of him how to get that back.

[passio]

[ it still hurts. dextera wishes he didn’t remember it, because that’s easier in some ways—the archangel has always attacked his hazy memories, and he’s always hated himself for not being able to remember, but this is much worse.

dextera squeezes guren’s hand. if guren forgot something… did others? will the sketchiness last longer if he dies again? with enough deaths, would he simply disappear altogether, from space and memory both? ]

…

[ he exhales, letting his eyes fall closed, and lifting guren’s hand to his face just to feel the heat of it. they weren’t like this, that first time they played together. they weren’t this close at all. ]

[swordfucker]

[Guren can only watch quietly, letting Dextera take his hand however he'd like. His words won't reassure him in a situation like this. He's already tried, and the truth of the matter is that he doesn't remember at all, and he can't. It's like it's gone... and Mahiru-no-yo won't be able to find it if it's like it was deleted.]

It's the only time this has to happen. [It's all he can think to say.] There won't be a next time, but we'll have plenty more memories.

[passio]

[ there won’t be a next time.

already, dextera told himself he wasn’t going to die again—but this, more than anything else, has turned that promise into a resolution. in case it is death that’s triggered the loss of guren’s memory, he can’t die again. he won’t.

with the board moved out of the way, dextera is able to lean forward, onto guren’s bare shoulder, still clutching his hand in one and writing against him with the other. ]

…Don’t forget me.

[swordfucker]

I won't. I promise.

[Another promise he can't keep, but Guren is determined with this. It's overruling every other goal in his mind right now, and he can feel Mahiru scolding him for it. There are more important things to worry about, she's saying. He doesn't care right now.

He squeezes that hand, and brings his free arm to wrap loosely around Dextera.]

[passio]

[ dextera is no longer hot and bothered, the realization that a memory has disappeared as effective as being doused in cold water, but there’s something else pulling at his heart—this proximity, something he can never seem to get enough of. he craves it as much as he needs to breathe or eat or sleep, and guren is the person who always seems to accept it. ]

…

[ he lifts his face, pressing a kiss to guren’s jaw. don’t forget him. don’t forget this. he wouldn’t be able to stand it, if he were forgotten. ]

[swordfucker]

[Guren turns his face into Dextera, an attempt at showing affection, even cuddling, if it can be called that. The mood has dropped considerably, and he wonders if even a heated game of chess can fix it, now that it's the problem.]

We can't let them take this from us.

[This game, this fun, this connection.] I still remember every other game. Your smug attitude every time you win, the way you'd teach me by going back to the spot where I made a wrong move. I haven't forgotten you at all, Dextera. They can't make me forget you.

[passio]

[ it’s more of a relief than it seems. dextera is still upset, he’s obviously upset and it’s not going away so easily when the problem comes to memory, but guren’s forceful reassurance is exactly what he needs.

even so—if guren goes back to his world, will he forget? will dextera forget, if he’s forced to do the same? the problem of their different universes has occurred to him before, but it didn’t feel so pressing as it does now. he’s spiraling, and he tries to hold onto those words. “they can’t make me forget you.”

his breathing is quicker, shallower, panicked. ]

[swordfucker]

Hey.

[Guren moves the arm around him up, hand lacing into his hair and stroking, comforting.] Listen to me. They won't make me forget. It's a promise from me, so don't take it lightly.

You know the lengths I'll go to make things right.

[passio]

[ dextera doesn’t want to doubt guren, and he also knows that guren’s determination far outweighs that of nearly anyone else he’s ever met. when guren wants to do something, he will—but is it enough? this town is unpredictable in the worst ways, and people go home suddenly, for no reason. ]

Hh—

[ a high, reedy sound as dextera exhales his fear. the commands… he does well with commands. so he nods, and since guren is not wearing a shirt for him to cling onto, guren can likely easily feel dextera’s fingers trembling against his skin. ]

Memories—precious.

[swordfucker]

They are precious.

[Guren agrees, quietly, and turns his face more into Dextera, drawing his hand back to take him by the jaw and encourage him to do the same.]

But so are you. They took away that memory, but they didn't take away my feelings. I still feel it when I try to think back. Look where we are now.

[He leans in, kissing him, and it's chaste and so much warmer, softer than the heated kiss from earlier. Open and loving and tender.]

I'm not going anywhere.

[passio]

[ it’s ironic that, for all the times he cries with no catharsis, that he can’t seem to muster tears now when it might actually help him feel better. instead, all he can do is try to catch his breath while kissing guren.

his feelings. their feelings, and it’s amazing how far they’ve come from dextera’s frightened encounter with him in the well. it’s more than “like.” ]

… [ he’s so lucky, to have met someone like guren. ] Tonight—let me stay here. Please.

[ he doesn’t even need to ask and he knows that, but a point needs to be made of it anyway. ]

[swordfucker]

You can always stay here.

[He knows Dextera knows that, but he asked anyway, and so Guren will answer the same as always. Of course he can stay. Of course he can stay whenever. He'd also go to Dextera's whenever asked.

He smooths his thumb over his cheek.]

[passio]

[ dextera is slowly, slowly finding his peace again.

he’s aware that this is a side of guren that doesn’t get shown to others easily—he’s seen guren with the rest of the town, the way he presents himself on the forums, and he’s grateful that guren has always seemed soft, like this, with him. he was bound to feel this way eventually, whether it was ever returned or not. ]

…tomorrow. Rematch.

[ they can’t play chess again right now, and probably not for the rest of the day, but tomorrow is something new. he’s sure he’ll feel better in the morning. ]

[swordfucker]

Yeah.

[Guren agrees, quietly, and he's smiling as he leans in to kiss the corner of his mouth again. It's true, he's not like this with anyone else. He hasn't been this way to anyone since Mahiru, aside from a few certain quiet moments with his retainers. This, though... this is a connection he's had from the beginning. He might have thought Dextera was a weirdo, a little like a lost animal who needed direction, but there's something that Guren is drawn to, inexplicably. Now, spending time with him more and more, it's impossible to pull away.

He rests his face against Dextera's, nose brushing softly against his cheek as he breathes out a laugh.]

You'll need the time to think up a way to beat me again, anyway.

[passio]

…

[ it tickles, when guren breathes against him like that, and the combination of such a feeling and guren’s playful teasing helps set his heart back to normal. that’s something they should still talk about, the inevitable separation looming over them both, but… for now, it’s fine. dextera wants to be selfish. ]

Heh.

[ a laugh… a good sign, to be sure, especially when he turns to return the kiss.

it’s nice, to just be able to do this. ]

[swordfucker]

[He kisses him back, again, with a smile. There's plenty he's avoiding about the future, and he knows it, absolutely. But he has a problem with ignoring things like this. He refuses to acknowledge it. He'll change fate to avoid it.

So for now, happiness. And he's also thinking with relief that maybe people will stop bugging him about hooking up with Dextera if he replies that he already has.]

Let me put the board and pieces away before we wreck them.

[By getting all cuddly. He's pulling away to do just that.]

[passio]

[ dextera should be the one to do that, considering it’s his board and guren is still healing, but there’s a few seconds of lag before he remembers to be polite.

he gathers up the pieces that guren hasn’t gotten to yet, and tucks it all away into the bag he brought. ]

You should rest.

[swordfucker]

I don't wanna.

[Like a child, he says that, standing up to move this bag of goodies over to the table where his laptop rests. This time, he doesn't bother turning it on. Having Dextera here helps in a lot of ways, honestly.]

You don't have to worry about me anymore. I'm healing a little faster now, so I should be back to normal in no time. See? They're just scars now.

[And even those will vanish, in time. He runs his hand over his own chest, to show Dextera that it's fine.]